


To the boy I fell for

by bloodysteel



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Mentions of Clarke/Murphy (yeah I know not your usual ship right, Mentions of Murven, Octavia/Lincoln - Freeform, To All The Boys I've Loved Before AU, mentions of Clexa, mentions of becho
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-09-14
Packaged: 2019-06-29 19:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15735846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloodysteel/pseuds/bloodysteel
Summary: On her first day of 11th grade, Clarke decided she wanted to discover who her inner "me" was; she wanted to build herself on her own while her big sister was away at university. But she didn't expect the letters she wrote to her previous crushes to be learked.--Well, the "To All The Boys I've Loved Before" AU you did or didn't ask for !





	1. August 2017

**_August 2017_ **

“Are you sure you have to go that far away from us?” Clarke asked Raven. “You could study in Boston, MIT could be good for you too! England is ok too, I guess, but how are we going to keep on without you?” She grabbed Raven and kept her close in her arms.

Clarke had known Raven her whole life, just like Madi had known the both of them her whole life too. Abby and Jake Griffin adopted Raven after Abby witnessed the death of her mother from overdose in her hospital. Raven was two at the time and Abby was three months into her pregnancy – so full of hormones she could not resist the girl’s big sad brown eyes, holding her mother’s hand through it all.

“Listen girl, you’re the big sis now.” She glared down at Madi, who was sitting on the floor beside the bed. “You need to set an example for this little monster, as you’ve always been doing, but you also need to like, freak out, relax, you know?”

Clarke frowned. “I can be fun.”

Madi chuckled and exchanged a look with Raven. “I know you can. It’s the rest of the world who doesn’t.”

Madi was adopted too when she was just newborn. Her biological mother was a teenager and Madi was born with a rare case of hemophilia that made her blood darker; she wasn’t a wanted baby and when the social services came to claim the baby, Abby couldn’t bring herself to let that sweet brown-haired clear-eyed baby into the foster system. So Jake and Abby got another girl to cherish five years after Clarke was born.

Clarke pouted. “O thinks I’m fun.”

“O’s like family, like us, Clarkey.” Raven kissed Clarke on the forehead. “But you’ll do fine without me; it’ll allow you to bloom without my shadow hovering. You know, I truly believe you’ll do even better without me. You’ve always taken such good care of Madi and Dad, even of me when I was sick! You need to build some confidence and you’ll be queen of the high school.”

Clarke nodded, she tried to persuade herself Raven was right. She’d never be the queen like Echo could be. Echo and Clarke used to be best friends in middle school but it changed when the girls went to high school. Echo found new friends and got her claws on Bellamy, her childhood crush. Then she didn’t need Clarke’s friendship anymore and lucky for her, Clarke had Murphy. She’d always had Murphy her life, as long as she remembers, since Murphy lived next door. Murphy was there when her mother brought Madi from the hospital, or when she learned how to ride a bike on her own, or when the police came one night to announce the family that Abby had died in a car crash.

Murphy was an ass to most people, but never to Clarke. Even though Raven pretended to hate his smug looks, she eventually fell for him and Clarke had to share Murphy with her sister. They brought Clarke everywhere, until Clarke decided being third wheel was too much for her to handle. She kept talking to Murphy, but she grew closer to Octavia – Bellamy’s sister.

“You’re right, I have this little monster to take care of, I won’t have time to be bored with her!” Clarke ruffled Madi’s hair with her hand and the girl climbed on the bed to join her sisters. She caught each of them with her arms and pulled them closer. She would miss Raven dearly too, but she was glad Clarke was still with her for at least two years. Clarke was a bit boring and bossy sometimes, but they loved each other and she always had the wisest advises – like when Madi got into trouble with that Ethan boy in 4th grade and Raven told her to punch him and Clarke joined Madi after school and scared the shit of the boy telling him he could go to jail for harassing her little sister.

“You’ll come back soon, right? For thanksgiving at least?” Madi asked

“Of course she will! You won’t be able to stay that long from Murphy, right?” Clarke shouldered her playfully.

They were smiling but they started frowning seeing Raven’s embarrassed face. “Actually, I won’t be back till Christmas. You know how plane tickets are expensive and I will have to work hard to get my degree in Cambridge.”

“What about Murphy?” Clarke asked, worried about her friend.

“Well, I had to break up with him.” She muttered.

“What?” Clarke exclaimed, rising to her feet and leaving the bed. “When were you going to tell me? I mean, I’m his best friend and your sister and even though I love you I need to be by his side too!” Clarke grabbed her phone on the bed and swiped it open to call Murphy.

“Wait, wait!” Raven stopped Clarke. “He may not know yet. I planned to tell you before I tell him, ok? I’m not a monster, I love him and I don’t want him to suffer but remember what Mom told us years ago?” The girls shook their heads and Raven carried on, trying to mimic Abby’s voice “Don’t go to college with a boyfriend”.

“But Murphy loves you and he could soon join you to study in England too! You know it can’t be. I know what Mom said but she wouldn’t want you to dump him. Gosh Rae you can’t play with people’s feelings.” Clarke sat on the bed looking heartbroken, as if it was her that Raven was breaking up with. Raven planted a kiss on her cheek and left her, grabbing Madi’s hand to her with her. She felt her sister needed time to process the news.

“I’m going over to Murphy’s to – well, you know. Go see him if you want when I’m back, ok? He’ll need you, and so will I. Don’t go thinking I don’t care about him, Clarkey.” Raven said, standing in the door’s way, before closing it behind her.

Clarke spent a few minutes looking at the carpet in front of her. She couldn’t believe her sister was breaking up with Murphy. She basically set them up against her own will and without any of them knowing it – ok, she did not set them up. Murphy spent most of his days at the Griffin’s because of Clarke and Raven ended up falling for his smugness and his cocky jokes. Clarke realized her feelings for Murphy the first time she saw them kiss. At first, she thought she was just jealous of the raw passion between the two, and then she realized she had been in love with him for years. Stupid Clarke.

So Clarke ended up writing him a letter, just like she did for her four previous crushes. Clarke had had a habit since her first summer camp when she fell for a boy named Wells. Wells was cute and nice and he loved reading books just like her. It had been enough for eight-year-old Clarke to fall madly in love with him and write him a passionate love letter she never actually sent.

The second one she wrote was for Bellamy, Octavia’s brother and Echo’s boyfriend, football star of the high school and Clarke’s first kiss ever. They were ten and they were all spending a night at the Blakes for Octavia’s birthday. Aurora Blake had also invited Bellamy’s friends, so he wouldn’t be the only boy there and they ended up playing truth or dare. It was Bellamy’s turn and Octavia dared him to kiss one of her friends – he wouldn’t get to choose, Octavia would recite her friends’ names in her head and the lucky one was the one he would say “stop” on. It ended up being Clarke – she hesitated before accepting because of Echo’s killing glares. They were best friends at the time, but thinking back, Clarke had a feeling her first kiss was one of the reasons why Echo and she parted. The kiss lasted barely a second, but still, it was her best experience and she had fallen irrevocably in love that day.

Well, until Harper McIntyre’s birthday party nine months later and Nathan Miller danced with her all night. No boy had ever been that nice to her and Clarke spent the most marvelous night dancing with him. She wrote the letter on the morrow of the party, stars in her eyes and her heart. It was easier with fresh memories.

At the age of thirteen, Jake Griffin sent Raven and Clarke to a girls only summer camp. What a mistake he did make! He thought this would help the girls create friendship and have the girl influence they lacked since Abby’s death without full-of-hormones boys disturbing them. Raven ended up kissing a girl named Luna and Clarke another named Lexa – on their third night there. Neither Raven nor Clarke told Jake about it, but these experiences still made butterflies fluttering in their stomachs thinking back.

Clarke took the five letters from the cute box hidden under her bed and started reading them, smiling down. She had written their addresses, they just needed a stamp to be sent to their rightful owners and they would know the deepest secrets of Clarke’s heart.


	2. September 2017 - Part 1

**_September 2017_ **

Raven eventually left them – and a somewhat heartbroken Murphy. He didn’t want Clarke’s company at the moment, she reminded him too much of Raven and he needed space. So Clarke gave him space. She had O to talk to and that was enough for her – it had been for almost the past two years, so it could be for a few more weeks, even though she missed him dearly.

“Who’s ready for their first day of school of the year?” Jake came singing in the kitchen while his girls were eating their breakfast.

“We are.” They mumbled but they didn’t manage to bring down Jake’s good mood. Jake Griffin was always in a good mood on their first day of class – because even though he loved his daughters, he was still happy to see them go to school and having the house to himself.

“Cheer up a bit girls! It’s time for a new beginning, you know? You can reinvent yourselves this year! Clarke, you go first, who do you want to be this year?” Jake put his fist in front of Clarke’s mouth, mimicking a microphone.

Clarke’s grim face broke into a smile. “What about me? I like that “me” person. I get to know her day to day and I start to like her!”

Jake and Madi laughed. “See kiddo, I love that answer! Your turn Mads, what do you want to be?”

“An astronaut. I want to go in space in a big ship and go around exploring new planets in new galaxies. But meh, I’m just going to go to school for now!” Jake ruffled her messy hair and kissed both his daughters on their forehead. Sometimes he couldn’t believe how he got to raise three healthy, well equilibrated, smart and witty girls without his wife.

\--

Clarke hated Echo. She _hated_ that bitch. Lucky for her, Octavia was never far and somewhat always managed to shut her down with her wits. She tried to humiliate Clarke on their first day of 11 th grade by mocking her dress – saying it was a dress on Clarke when it was a tee-shirt on Echo. Being taller didn’t make her smarter – even worse.

“O, stop being a bitch to Echo, would you?” Bellamy said to his sister, following after Echo.

“I will. When she stops herself. Bye, Bell!” O grabbed Clarke by the shoulders and led them to their next class. “My brother is so stupid to stay with this girl. She kills it at our boxing class and also in history, just like Bell, but I’m telling you she isn’t right for him. See how she treats us and every other people who isn’t her people?” They entered their history class. It was the only they weren’t sharing with Bellamy – who was only nine months older than them, being born in January and his sister in October – and Echo, so they could talk freely about them.

“Yeah I know.” Clarke answered as they sat down at their desks. “Sometimes I can’t understand Raven either, I told you she broke up with Murphy? I still don’t understand why. He was so devoted to her, no one can dream of a better smitten boyfriend.”

“There’s always better!” Octavia cheered.

Clarke rolled her eyes. “Don’t tell me again about your wonderful summer with Lincoln, alright? I’ve heard it all already and _thrice_ FYI.” Octavia pulled her tongue out at her and was about to retaliate when their teacher entered the room and quieted them.

Lincoln got to NYU this year and Octavia wouldn’t see him anytime soon. Aurora Blake didn’t have enough money to buy her daughter plane tickets to New York every weekend or to pay for gas for the way and back – besides, Octavia wouldn’t spend fifteen hours in her car for less than 24 hours with Lincoln, she loved him but she wasn’t crazy.

The class took too long to Octavia’s taste – medieval era wasn’t her favorite. Clarke always loved history – she remembered spending evenings at the Blakes bickering with Bellamy on who was the most important antique figures of all. Bellamy always rooted for Alexander the Great when Clarke wouldn’t let go of Plato. But it was before Echo entered his life and the evenings at the Blakes got simpler – Bellamy and Echo in a room, Octavia and Clarke in the other, when Aurora wasn’t there. Aurora didn’t want Echo in her son’s room for the night, she thought he was too young, but when she was working nights as a waitress, she wasn’t there to check no one was sleeping in her son’s bed. Octavia was against it too, but Bellamy persuaded her to let go when he told her to bring Lincoln over too.

“Do you want to come over Saturday night? We could binge watch Harry Potter or Game of Thrones or whatever we like. My dad’s out and I have to keep an eye on Mads.” Clarke asked O.

They were walking down the halls of their high school, Octavia always felt at ease in the midst of their schoolmates but Clarke felt a bit out of place. Jake Griffin had just gotten Clarke a car, so she gained a new status of freedom this year. Clarke actually liked driving – Octavia hated it. So they made a deal; Clarke was supposed to pick Octavia for school every morning. Bellamy could have taken her but he usually left early to practice or to go to Echo’s.

“Nah. Bell wants me home, he’s inviting a bunch of his friends over to celebrate the beginning of the schoolyear. Do you want to come over by the way?”

Clarke shook her head. Spending an evening at Blakes was always good, but Clarke didn’t quite get along with Bellamy’s friends – which were mostly Echo and his weird friend Finn who tried to hook up with both she and Raven in the same night.

“Don’t worry about me, a little girl night with Mads will only do us good! I want to spend more quality time with her alone; you know, I always spent time with Raven or with Raven and Madi but not very often with Madi alone. It’ll be good for us.”

Octavia pouted. “So I’ll have to play nice alone with Bellamy’s friends for a few minutes and then rush to my room alone to bitch about them alone?”

“You can always text me.” Clarke shouldered her. “I swear I’ll answer if I don’t fall asleep too quickly.”

Octavia stopped in her tracks and frowned at Clarke. “How can you ever fall asleep watching Harry Potter or Game of Thrones you freak?” But as Clarke was about to retaliate, Octavia grabbed her by the shoulders and they carried on walking. “Just kidding, I know you doze off every time you lie down. You can’t help it.”

And they went on to their next class.

\--

“How was your first day?” Clarke asked Madi as her little sister climbed into the car.

“Great! This school is like, so freaking amazing I love it. I can’t wait for tomorrow to be back and get to know my new friends even better!” Madi seemed so excited, Clarke smiled to herself and turned on the engine, driving immediately.

She was talking to Madi so she didn’t quite pay attention to the road. Even though she was a good and careful driver, Clarke was lost in Madi’s chit chat and pulled the brake so hard she thanked god for their seatbelts.

Clarke’s heart seemed to want to get out of her ribcage as she stared at the man she almost drove over. Octavia would have killed her – slowly and painfully. He stared at her in a bit of shock before realizing who she was and walked by the car to knock at her window.

“So you’re trying to kill me now, Princess?”

Clarke let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding. “No.” she said with a raw voice, her mouth dry.

“I won’t tell O, but only if you tell me we see you next Saturday at our house? She told you you were invited, right?”

“Yeah, well –“ Somebody honked behind Clarke on the school’s parking lot. “I should go, sorry, Bellamy.”

Bellamy took a step back. “Remember, Saturday?” Clarke smiled and drove away, two hands on the wheel and eyes stuck on the road. She almost rolled over Bellamy Blake.

Madi was staring at her with a curious smile. “You didn’t answer his question.”

Clarke sighed. She didn’t need Madi to get involved in this. She told O she needed to stay with Madi, but she couldn’t give her that excuse – she would push her to go. “Nah. I don’t want to. His stupid friends will be there and I have work to do on Sunday, I can’t be tired all day. Besides, it’s been a long time since we hung out together, right?” She smiled down at Madi who frowned a bit. She had other plans; a new friend of hers wanted to throw a pajama party and she wanted _in_.

They were Monday. Madi had five days left to find a way to get Clarke out of the house on Saturday night. Her mind started working until they got home and she rushed to her room. She thought of calling Octavia, but she couldn’t do it until Clarke went down or anywhere else in the house but the room right next to hers.

It wasn’t until Clarke decided she was hungry and went down to cook that Madi was eventually allowed some intimacy. She dialed Octavia immediately.

“What’s up little G?” Octavia answered.

“I need your help O; Clarke wants to stay home with me Saturday night but I am invited to a pajama party and I want to go but you know how she is? She’ll do her doe eyes and I will just have to stay home. Please! What can we do to set her up?”

Octavia laughed. Of course, she should have known Madi would get along so fine as to make new friends faster than her older sister. “Do you know what your sister needs?” Madi thought for a second about it and then grew a smile on her face.

“A boyfriend?”

“Obvioulsy! She’s too much work and not enough fun. She needs to relax and grab a drink, only falling in love will free her. I tried everything! If you can make it happen before this Saturday, I crown you Queen.” Madi swore to her she’d get Clarke a boyfriend before Saturday and hung up. She was grinning; she just had the most wonderful ideas of all.

She rose slowly from her bed and sneaked in Clarke’s room very quietly. She could hear her working her ways in the kitchen – which wasn’t her forte – and try to cook something eatable. She went down on her knees and started looking under Clarke’s bed for her Saturday night free pass.

\--

On Wednesday, Clarke was invited at the Blake’s by Octavia to work on their science project. Clarke and Octavia came straight home from school. They finished late, working at the library, and Clarke drove Octavia; Bellamy was already home and upstairs in his room when they arrived.

“Hi Clarke, I hope you don’t mind eating mac and cheese? Bellamy didn’t cook and I just arrived from home, I don’t feel like spending time in the kitchen. Besides, we love mac and cheese!” Aurora Blake greeted her with a classic bright Blake smile.

“I love it!” Clarke said and they heard a big noise coming from upstairs. She frowned and Octavia sighed.

“It’s been like this ever since Echo came back from her holidays in Canada.” Something fell on the floor. They heard Bellamy’s strong voice shout. “Bellamy thinks she’s different; he believes she cheated on him with that guy Roan we saw on her Instagram.” A door shut loudly and they heard footsteps rushing down the stairs.

Echo suddenly appeared in the kitchen’s doorway, standing in the living room as a doe caught in a car’s lights. “Hello Ms Blake, I- I’m sorry I can’t stay tonight.” And she hurried out of the house. Bellamy didn’t follow after her.

“I’ll go check on him.” Octavia said and left Clarke alone with her mother. She didn’t mind; Clarke really liked Aurora and truly respected her for all the work she did to earn a living. Aurora worked two jobs to ensure her children a future; Clarke sometimes wished she could help her, but she would let her.

“I’ll set the table.” Clarke said, grabbing four plates. “Can I help you with anything else?”

Aurora smiled at her. “Thank you, Clarke, but it’s okay. We just have to wait for my children to come down!” She said as she put the mac and cheese in the oven. “I’m worried about Bellamy.” Aurora sat down as Clarke set the table. “Octavia is good with you and Lincoln; you’re good influence on her. Echo was good to Bellamy at first; but you know with all this popularity thing I believe it changed her. Bellamy told me she started modelling during the holidays; her aunt used to be a model and helped her and that’s how she met that Roan. He’s a model too, in an agency called Azgeda. Octavia said Echo used to be your friend, what changed?”

Clarke grimaced; she didn’t want to be mean about Echo. They shared good memories and she knew deep down Echo was a good person and could be good to Bellamy. At least, she hoped so. Echo had always been in love with Bellamy and when Clarke kissed him on the lips, it kind of broke something in their friendship.

“We grew apart, I guess. Echo is popular; I’m not. I grew closer to Octavia and I don’t regret it. Echo loves Bellamy; don’t doubt it.”

Aurora smiled. “You didn’t quite answer my question, miss Griffin. I understand; it’s not your place to bitch about my son’s girlfriend.” They heard Octavia and Bellamy coming down.

Bellamy looked darker than usual and didn’t talk. He barely acknowledged Clarke’s presence while she couldn’t help but look at his freckled face. He was still as handsome as ever; she couldn’t understand why Echo would want to cheat on such a beautiful face – and beautiful heart.

They ate in silence until Octavia came up with a story she heard at school and forgot to tell Clarke. The girls started chatting and the attention was drawn to them. Aurora listened to them with a smile ghosting her lips; she remembered the time when she was a high schooler and was carelessly talking with her friends.

Bellamy listened to them too; he didn’t care much about what his sister told her friend but his eyes were drawn to Clarke’s face and her pretty smile. Looking at her lips, he remembered the time when they kissed, a while back ago. It had only been a peck on the lips but her lips were soft on his and she had turned so red he barely stopped himself from laughing. Bellamy unconsciously started smiling.

Aurora was the only one to notice it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, I wanted to make one chapter a month but guess what? You might get more because I kinda feel like it haha   
> I hope you enjoyed it <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I took like forever to update but hey, look who wrote a long chapter! :D

Clarke usually liked working outside when the weather allowed it. Octavia was at her lacrosse practice and Madi was working at a friend’s; Clarke was waiting for O to be back so she could bring her home.

She was listening to music so Clarke didn’t hear Bellamy coming up to talk to her. He tapped on her shoulder and she almost jumped from her seat, looking up at him. She pulled out an earplug, “Bellamy? Is there something wrong?”

He smiled down at her. “I really appreciate it, Princess, but I don’t see you that way. You’re like a little sister to me, you know?” He ruffled his hand through her hair and she frowned.

She was about to answer when she noticed the letter in his hand. She froze.

 _The_ letter.

_My dear Bellamy,_

_I can’t seem to forget the feel of your lips on mine and I wish nothing more than to feel it once again._

Ugh, the words seemed to flow up her mind and her version started to blur.

_Your smile after we kissed is haunting my dreams and days; you keep calling me Princess and even though I always pretend to hate the nickname, I can only love it when I think you’re my knight in shining armor._

“Clarke? Are you ok?” She swallowed. Bellamy’s voice seemed so far away; she wanted to rise a hand to grab his arm to catch balance but her body didn’t answer her anymore. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her ears; she counted her heartbeat, try catching her breath but nothing worked.

_You’re always kind to me; always the best of yourself when you’re around me. You always protect Octavia and me; how could I ever thank you for that? I miss the feel of this protection when you’re not near me and I solely wish I could be with you anytime I want it. Who would want it too? Who would want me as your loved one?_

Bellamy grabbed her arm when he felt her faint, but Clarke did not lose consciousness. She felt his warmth on and next to her and it felt reassuring to know he was there. But she was still red as a tomato. How could Bellamy own this letter she wrote so many years ago? Who sent it against her will? Or did she do it without knowing it?

“I-I’m sorry Bellamy.” She managed to say. “I wrote it many, _many_ years ago when we were just kids and it was never meant to be out.” She regained balance and looked down at her feet under the table. Bellamy let go of her and took a step back before sitting down next to her.

“It’s ok Clarke. It just felt weird to receive that, knowing you’re my sister’s best friend and I don’t feel that way about you.” Bellamy started. “Besides, I-“ Bellamy was stopped in his tracks by Clarke throwing herself at his neck and locking lips with him.

Bellamy was taken aback, startled by Clarke’s move. But Clarke was even more surprised and stressed out. She had noticed Murphy coming their way with _his own love letter_ in hand. And so she acted without thinking and even though the feel of Bellamy’s lips on hers was _very_ good, she already regretted her actions.

He pulled away as she did and she suddenly rose from her seat, stuffed all her belongings without order in her bag in a hurry and ran away before Bellamy regained his balance and could catch her.

“ _ThankyousorrybyeBellamy_!” She screamed as she ran from him – and Murphy.

She was in a deep mess.

\--

Octavia was still at practice and Clarke had nowhere to hide – of course Bellamy would check her car first. He wouldn’t let her get away with it that easy – she even feared Murphy and him would team up to find her and confront her about _both_ their love letters.

Why didn’t she destroy those letters anyway? Ugh, she hated herself.

So Clarke ended up in the library, hidden between anatomy and physics shelves. No one would look for her here this late, she thought.

Until she saw two feet next to hers.

“Hi, Clarke.”

Clarke winced and looked up very slowly, already knowing this voice, who it belonged to and what it meant. Would this hellish spiral ever end?

“Hi Nate.” She muttered, staring at the letter in his hand. “I’m sorry.”

Nate smiled and crouched down next to her. “I appreciate it, really, Clarke. But you know I’m gay, right?” he asked.

Actually Clarke had doubts; but she herself had doubts about her sexuality so she didn’t actually care. “Yeah? Look Nate I’m sorry. This letter was written like so many years ago and was never meant to be out – like all the others and – and” She was starting to cry.

“Shh. Don’t worry Clarke, I know. Your handwriting seems too childish on the letter to be from the now-you.” He caressed her arm softly to comfort her and then stopped. “Wait, there are others?” He frowned and she huffed.

“I wrote five. I don’t know if the five went out; but at least I know about three and I’m so screwed. Octavia will kill for having written one to her brother without telling her.”

Nate laughed. “You wrote one for _Bellamy_ Blake? I understand, though. Very handsome, muscular and so sexy I could picture myself writing one too. But yeah, Octavia’s going to kill you.” Clarke laughed too and Nate managed to sit next to her, back against the wall of the library. “Who else? C’mon, you’ve already told me too much.”

Clarke stopped crying and smiled at Nate. He was still such a nice guy, she didn’t know why they never stayed in touch and never talked more. “John Murphy.” Nate opened his eyes and mouth wide. “Yeah, I know, my sister’s boyfriend. I’m a monster.” She buried her head in her knees.

Nate softly patted her on the back. “You can’t control who you fall for, right? John can be a dick but he could kill or even die for those he cares for. And he cares for you, Clarke. You should go talk to him; I know you’re not in love with me and I’m fine with it. I don’t love you back, but I’m here for you if you need me.” Clarke raised her head and smiled at him. “Do you still love him, Clarke?”

She didn’t answer right away. “I’m not sure. I’ve always cared about him, I still do but I can’t say if I’m in love with him or not.” Nate nodded and they sat silently until Clarke’s phone rang and Octavia’s face showed up. She hesitated a few seconds before picking up.

But Octavia hadn’t heard _yet_ about her kissing her brother. She excused herself to Nate and ran to her car; O couldn’t hear it from anyone else but her first.

As she hurried to the parking lot she didn’t look where she put her feet and ended up crashing her face against wall.

“Ha!” Clarke looked up, blood rushing to her cheeks. “It’s not like I’ve been looking for you everywhere Princess.”

The wall ended up being Bellamy’s chest and his wonderfully designed abs. She felt like her life sucked; but in a few hours, she would blush knowing she eventually touched Bellamy’s abs, which she dreamt about for years. Well, at least since she saw him half naked three years ago when Jake Griffin took their whole party to a lake one summer.

Clarke sighed looking down at her feet. “I’m sorry, Bellamy. I didn’t actually mean to throw myself at you. I just – I just panicked I guess.” She smiled weakly at him, glancing at him through her eyelashes.

“I figured.” He leaned against the wall. “Murphy came to talk to me after you ran away and he had a letter that looked pretty much like mine in his hand. Did you send one to all the boys of the high school?” He raised an eyebrow and her cheeks reddened – if it was possible to turn them even more red than they already were.

“Nope. I wrote five of them; for five crushes I had a _while_ back ago. Nate Miller, you, Murphy and two persons I met on summer vacations.” Bellamy looked pleased, almost flattered by being told she had had a crush on him. He almost looked too pleased with himself and Clarke wanted to punch the smirk out of him. “So, I don’t have a crush on you anymore, so you have nothing to worry about and you can carry on your love life with Echo. Don’t worry about me, I’m fine. I’m just sorry about the kiss and I hope it won’t get you in trouble.”

His smile fell down a bit. “Well, things have been complicated with Echo since she came back from summer holidays, as you noticed last night, and we kinda broke up.” He seemed uneased, like he wanted to confide in her but wasn’t sure he actually could. “I need to ask you something; why did you run from Murphy?”

With that she was back staring at her feet. She couldn’t answer because she wasn’t sure what to answer anyway. She shifted her weighs on her feet and looked back up at him. Bellamy didn’t smirk anymore, he seemed concerned by her lack of answer. “I haven’t figured out yet how I feel about this letter I wrote for him. I mean, I still care about him and I used to have a crush on him but hell, I don’t know clearly what I feel for him and I’m clearly not ready to be rejected by him right now.”

Bellamy smirked again and then she was about to punch him when he put a hand on her shoulder and spoke. “I have a plan for you, Clarkey. You need time to figure out _your_ feelings for Murphy and you need to make _him_ figure out _his_ feelings for _you_. What you need, my dearest Clarke, is a rebound boyfriend.”

She frowned and her phone buzzed in her jean’s pocket. Octavia was getting impatient. Or she learned about her kissing her brother. Or both. She was a dead girl anyway so she might as well take another minute with Bellamy. “Yeah, well, I should get a boyfriend first, don’t you think? I don’t understand how it is your concern anyway.”

Bellamy laughed and got his face closer to hers, lowering his eyes to her level. “Because I can be that rebound boyfriend. Murphy’s obviously going to get jealous and you get your boy; in the meantime, Echo does get jealous too and I get her back. What do you think? Do we have a deal?” She opened her eyes wide. “Seal it with a kiss maybe?”

Clarke took a step back. It wasn’t like she didn’t want to kiss Bellamy – again. But it felt weird. She would be using him and he would be using her and it wasn’t how she pictured her first relationship anyway.

Octavia kept calling her and she took that as an opportunity to flee. “Thank you for the offer, Bellamy but that’s not my kind of plan for the future anyway so, ahem, I have to go. Your sister’s waiting for me and we both know Octavia _hates_ waiting. Don’t bother telling her about the _incident_ earlier, I’ll do it in the car.” She put her hand on his biceps and squeezed his arm as a thank you – lingering a bit too long on the biceps recovering from the shock of both the feel and the size of it. Bellamy smirked and Clarke took off.

Octavia was leaning against her car and her eyes threw daggers at Clarke. “Where the hell have you been, Griffin?”

Clarke opened the car and they both got in. “Promise you won’t shout/hit me/freak out/lash out at me?”

Octavia glared at her and eventually nodded. “Yeah?”

“I told you about the letters I wrote to my crushes?” Octavia nodded and Clarke started her engine, starting to drive away. “Well, I don’t know how it happened but they leaked and all those crushes came to confront me about my feelings for them.”

Octavia opened her mouth wide and as the realization sunk in, she started smiling. “Do you mean you were somewhere doing dirty stuff with Murphy?”

Clarke shook her head and bit her lower lip. “I might have had a crush on your brother a long time ago, too.” She muttered and Octavia couldn’t help but punch her on the shoulder.

“And you didn’t tell _me_? God I so wish you were in Echo’s place, and so does my mother too! We _hate_ Echo and we _love_ you.” Clarke patted her shoulder – Octavia was too strong for her good and she knew she would get a bruise on that shoulder. “Oh my God, don’t tell you were doing dirty things in a dark corner with my brother? Never mind, tell me, but don’t tell me the details I don’t need to know about my brother’s lover abilities.” O shook her head to shake the images of her brother letting his hormones run free.

“I didn’t do dirty things with your brother. He came to confront me about the letter and I almost fainted; then I saw Murphy coming our way with his letter and I freak out and I kinda kissed your brother without his consent. I fled.” She paused and Octavia was not very subtly trying to prevent herself from bursting into laughter. “He caught me and we talked about it. Don’t worry, we don’t have feelings for one another.”

Octavia pouted. “That’s too bad.” The rest of the drive went by fast and without talking; Clarke wanted to forget about the incident but couldn’t. Bellamy’s proposal lingered in her mind and she couldn’t shake it out.

They arrived at Clarke’s home about half an hour before Madi returned from her friend’s. They were working in the dining room and Madi just went straight to the couch to watch TV. Clarke just said ‘hi’ to her little sister but Octavia noticed Madi was glancing nervously towards every minute. She took her phone out and started typing.

**_O –_ ** _You sent the letters, right?_

Madi’s phone rang and she froze as she read the text.

**_O –_ ** _Clarke doesn’t suspect. Good job little Griffin._

Madi frowned. Was Octavia on her side? She smiled, that would be too good to be true.

**_Mads –_ ** _What happened? Did she get together with a boy? Has Murphy become my brother in law again?_

**_O –_ ** _Nope. We became sisters in law for a sec though. Apparently she kissed Bell, but she said she’s not into him._

“Tell Lincoln I said hi.” Clarke asked Octavia without looking. Madi swallowed back her laughter. If only she knew.

**_Mads –_ ** _Ooh I like that! So Echo’s out of the picture? Do we do something? Clarke needs a bf, for her sanity and ours._

“He says hi too.”

**_O –_ ** _Yeah, I know. Give them a few days. On Monday we strike. I just need to get your sister to come with at the party on Saturday night._

**_Mads –_ ** _Why do you think I sent the letters?_

“O, I thought you said you needed help with physics and wanted me to explain it to you? If you keep texting Lincoln I can’t explain anything to you!” Clarke growled and Octavia rolled her eyes. She typed one last text to Madi and focused on what Clarke was saying.

**_O –_ ** _You smart devil. I’m in – whatever your plan is. We keep in touch, but Clarke needs to be there on Saturday night._

\--

Clarke went straight to her room after dinner and Bellamy’s offer hadn’t left her mind. It could be fun to have a boyfriend, to experiment a bit on relationships and maybe who knows? Bellamy could be right and Murphy would end up falling for her and her irrevocably in love with him, and it would be a happy-ever-after fairytale.

Or Echo would crush her the minute she heard about her being with Bellamy.

No. Bellamy would protect her. He may not be in love with her but she could not picture him letting Echo beat her down while he watched. He cared about her; he said so. That’s why she thought accepting his offer could be good; he wouldn’t hurt her – Octavia would kill him – but not telling Octavia the truth would definitely end up in Clarke being hurt – physically, by Octavia herself, once she learned the truth.

The bell rang downstairs and she heard her father open the door. Her phone rang almost at the same time she heard voices downstairs.

**_Mads –_ ** _Why’s Murphy here?_

Fuck. Clarke thought and looked around for options; she saw only one: her window. So she decided to run from her own home to avoid Murphy. She crossed her window and tried to jump down into her garden without hurting herself, while Murphy was chatting with her father and Jake was trying to get her to come down to greet her friend.

She felt shame surrounding her.

**_Clarkey –_ ** _O, can you come get me NOW? My place, please? SOS_

When Octavia received the text, she couldn’t help but grin. Of course, she knew what to do. “BELL!” She heard her brother grunt in the room next to hers.

“What?” he said through the wall.

“You need to pick up Clarke from her place; she just told me she had a problem with her car and needed a ride. I’m supposed to call Lincoln like right, please big brother?”

She heard him sigh, swear and put on a pair of jeans. “’Kay. You owe me one!”

“Yeah, whatever!” Octavia shouted. “We’ll see if you don’t owe me one in the end.” She muttered.

**_O –_ ** _Bell’s coming over to get your sister, dunno why she needs a ride though, but make sure she gets in the car with him._

Madi jumped on her feet once she read Octavia’s text and ran to keep Murphy busy. She glanced outside and glimpsed at Clarke leaving the house.

“Murphy! Wanna play Mario Kart with me? I bet I can beat you in a sec while you wait for Clarke!” She smiled widely and Murphy couldn’t resist this little devil, so he accepted. Jake went upstairs to get Clarke anyway so it wouldn’t be long. Besides, he didn’t want to involve neither Jake nor Madi in this letter issue; he wouldn’t put Clarke in such a bad place with her family and make it awkward. He loved the Griffins and he loved going to their place when his felt, well, when it felt too weird with his family. He always felt better around them, like he mattered.

Jake went down and scratched his head. “I don’t understand, she’s not there. Madi, when did your sister go out? I don’t remember her going out or anything.”

Madi shrugged. “I dunno. I was watching TV and maybe didn’t hear her? Anyway, you’re staying with us Murphy, right?” She beamed at him and he shouldered her. Of course he would stay with her. Jake made hot chocolate and they started playing Mario Kart.

**_Mads –_ ** _Tell me when Clarke wants to come back; I’ll come up with an excuse to make Murphy go._

\--

When Clarke saw Bellamy’s old SUV come into view she rolled her eyes. Why couldn’t Octavia come pick her up herself? Or did Bellamy insist on coming himself? She grunted. She hadn’t made up her mind about his offer and it was too awkward between them to chit chat. The ride would be silent and terribly tensed and Clarke almost regretted fleeing from Murphy.

Bellamy pulled over and she didn’t have much choice; she got in the car and slammed the door before he drove off.

“Thanks.” She muttered.

“So, why does the Princess need a ride?” he asked

She pursed her lips. She couldn’t come up with an actual believable lie so she opted for the truth. “Murphy came to confront me and I escaped through my window but I just couldn’t take my car. The noise would have been too obvious.”

Bellamy laughed at her but she couldn’t blame him. The situation was funny and almost ridiculous; she would have done the same if the roles were reversed. “You should talk to Murphy, you know? Avoiding him makes things worse.”

“Or I can just avoid him forever.”

“Or you can choose to fake date me.” His eyes were on the road but he was smirking and Clarke froze in her seat. Silence fell in the car and Bellamy broke it after a few seconds when he turned on the radio. Clarke felt like it was a bad idea but she couldn’t find any cons to fake dating Bellamy because in the end, she would get to spend more time with him and somehow she was sure it would get her closer to Murphy.

She glanced at Bellamy and wondered why she kept fleeing Murphy and ending up in Bellamy’s way. Feelings scared her; mostly because she couldn’t figure out what she felt for Murphy. But she didn’t fear her feelings for Bellamy because they were friendly and romantically non-existent.

Okay. To be completely honest with herself, Clarke found him dashing and perfectly built _but_ she couldn’t admit out loud.

Bellamy reached his house and started to park. Octavia was watching them from her room and waved down at Clarke with a big smile on her face.

Clarke sighed as she undid her seatbelt and Bellamy turned to face her. “Is something wrong? Do you want to go back?” She didn’t answer. “Clarke, let’s forget about my offer, ok? I didn’t mean to make it awkward between; I just wanted to help you out with Murphy and well, get Echo back. Do not mind me anymore than you used to and everything will be fine, ok?”

Clarke looked at him. “Bellamy, let’s do it.” He frowned, not sure what she truly meant. “Let’s fake date.”

“Ok Princess, are you sure? I didn’t mean to pressure you into doing it, I know you had a crush on me and all, and I played that card but I don’t want you to do something against your will, ok?”

Clarke nodded, smiling at him. “I want it. Let’s fake date. But to do so, we must make rules to follow.” And with that she became serious again.

\--

O – They’re staying in the car, it smells good my dear!

Mads – Uh uh we’re geniuses. Be discreet and tell me if they kiss.

\--

**THE RULES OF FAKE DATING**

  * ****No one can know it’s fake dating – especially Octavia and Madi****


  * **No kissing on the lips**


  * **Clarke must come see all of Bellamy’s games**


  * **Bellamy must drive Madi and Clarke to school every morning and evening**


  * **Clarke must come to the ski trip with Bellamy in December if this contract still holds**


  * **Bellamy and Clarke must write each other notes at least once a week and pass them through their classes**


  * **~~Bellamy must stop calling Clarke Princess~~**



 

“There’s no way I stop calling you Princess, Princess! That’s your nickname, that’s cute and that does define you good. I won’t sign this shit.” Clarke sighed and crossed the rule.

  * ****Holding hands in the hallways and in public is compulsory****



 

“Really?” Clarke whined.

“ _Yes_ , really.” Bellamy answered calmly and firmly.

  * ****~~Clarke can call Bellamy _Lamy_ as a nickname.~~****



 

“Clarke, stop it.” Bellamy growled but he was smiling and she knew he wanted to laugh so bad at her idea. “It sounds like I’m lame!”

“Okay, okay, I just cross it.” She was smiling too and thought maybe pretending to be Bellamy’s girlfriend would actually be really fun. “I think I’m just going to call you Darcy, because you look so stern sometimes and no fun!”

Bellamy frowned. “Who’s Darcy?”

  * ****Bellamy must watch Pride & Prejudice with Clarke. ****


  * **They must be each other’s phone wallpaper.**



 

“Send me a selfie and I’ll send you one.” Clarke asked.

“Don’t be silly.” Bellamy grabbed her by the shoulders and took a selfie of the two of them. “I send it to you. It’ll do but I guess we’ll have to take others. Octavia will help with all the social media and Instagram. I suck at these; Echo always posted pictures of us on it and complained that I never commented or liked anything.”

Clarke giggled. “I’ll do it with O, don’t worry.”

“I’ll make an effort to comment and like. It’ll drive Echo nuts, just as the small notes through classes. She always complained her friends got notes from their boyfriends but I didn’t care enough to do the same.”

  * ****Clarke must post pictures of them on Instagram; Bellamy must comment and like them.****


  * **Clarke must come to every party Bellamy goes and vice versa.**



 

“You know I hate parties. You’ll still have to drive me there and take me home. We’re done?” Clarke asked.

“I guess we are.” Bellamy answered. “So, do we start tonight with Octavia and my mom or do you want to wait until tomorrow morning.”

“We should pass the storm of your sister finding out now. Besides, it’ll be our crash test.” Bellamy smiled and signed their contract. She signed it too, then he folded it and put it in his pocket. Bellamy and Clarke went out of the car and before they joined in front of the entrance door, Bellamy caught Clarke’s hand and squeezed it.

“Ready?”

Clarke smiled and nodded.

\--

**_O –_ ** _THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS_

**_Mads –_ ** _I’m screaming so loud and high pitched now only dogs can hear me._

\--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like it? I didn't want to write the exact same story but add some other détails and I hope the characters are not too OOC - Bellamy couldn't be like Peter posting on Instagram like a mad man haha

**Author's Note:**

> I know, I know Clarke/Murphy isn't a ship you might expect but hey, I wanted a bit of Murven and I felt like Murphy being overprotective to Clarke could be a (good) thing. I didn't want to use Finn - god I hate him - because Josh is still LJ's friend at the end and not a bastard. I didn't want to use Wells either (I know, it would be logical and coherent with the story because Wells was Clarke's bestfriend on the Ark) because, well, I didn't. 
> 
> I also want to point out that I don't hate Echo or Becho. (I won't debate that here, meet me on Tumblr if you want to do so) I just use her character to be a bitch so yeah, in this story she is just a bitch and everbody hates her. 
> 
> So, chapter 2 is on the way and if you like this one, I'll post next one soon enough! 
> 
> MJ, aka bloodysteel <3


End file.
